Defiant & Angry Children - Some Simple Parenting Advice

If you are like many parents, you are absolutely at a loss for how to explain "where you went wrong" with respect to the relationship you have with your kids. I know that before I had my son, I had certain ideas of how parenting was going to be. I observed other parents struggling with discipline, ungrateful and disrespectful children and told myself that it would not happen to me. I could see, or at least thought that I could see what mistakes they were making. I really beleived that I would be an excellent parent and would command the love and respect that I deserved!

Needless to say, it hasn't quite worked out that way. My 8 year old is every bit as much as a handful as any kid I've seen. My struggles have been seemingly endless and my patience tried constantly. I have managed to stumble across some tips that helped me and may very well help you:

1. The hardest thing for me to learn was that my child wasn't the problem; I WAS THE PROBLEM! This may sound shocking to you who are reading this, but the truth of the matter is, if you want your child to change his behavior, then be prepared to change yours. If you yell and scream, you will raise a child who yells and screams. Remember, your child is learning his coping skills and his behavioral strategies from you!
2. Positive reinforcement goes a lot further than does negative. When you see your child doing something you like, tell him you like what he is doing and that it makes you very proud. Also, rather than say "Don't leave a mess in your room," try saying "Don't forget to pick up your room before breakfast." Then tell your child how nice the room looks and thank him for doing such a great job.
3. This one was huge in our house: learn to ignore tantrums and be prepared to just walk away. Your defiant child is used to getting a lot of attention this way and it completely disarms them. Eventually, your child will realize that tantrums don't work anymore.
4. Above all, DO NOT match their screaming with loud tones of your own. It is very important to remain calm. Another hard one for me to learn but it really works. The more calm you remain, the quicker your child wiull calm down. This works on other adults too!

I'm not a doctor or child psychologist or even a counselor. What I am is a regular parent like you probably are who struggles sometimes for answers when it comes to your kids. What I have done is spent a lot of time searching for more information about parenting tips and ideas and what works as well as what doesn't work.
Hopefully, this blog will be a valuable resource to parents everywhere.